Warning: We are experiencing a severe coffee shortage due to an unexpected shortage of caffeine molecules. If you are experiencing symptoms such as:
Please contact our crisis team at Shortage-Solutions for immediate assistance.
Alternatively, you can visit our Coffee Subsidies page for more information on how to survive in a world without coffee.
Do not attempt to brew your own coffee using a toaster, a toaster oven, or any other non-thermally controlled appliance. Trust us on this one.
Stay caffeinated, stay safe.
Or, if all else fails, Brew in the Dark.